A SILENT SONG ESSAY QUESTION
In some communities, marriage is regarded as a valued custom. Making reference to Abioseh Nicol’s The Truly Married Woman, write an essay in support of this statement.
In most societies, marriage is considered to be important and beneficial. The society in The Truly Married Woman cherishes marriage as seen in the story of Ayo and Ajayi. A married woman is proud and is respected more than a mistress.
Marriage is an important tradition in this community. Ayo is optimistic that one day she will be married to Ajayi. They have lived together for twelve years and have three children together and a fourth child on the way but they are not yet married. Ajayi has always meant to marry Ayo. He truly meant to marry her as soon as she had their first child but he had never found time to do it. Somehow, the right moment never came. Ayo went to live with Ajayi despite her parents protests. In this community, marriage is a valued custom. In their first year together, Ayo would talk to Ajayi in detail about her friends’ marriages looking at him with hopeful eyes for. She hopes to get married like her friends since marriage is an important right in the community. The marriage ceremonies cost a fortune and Ajayi would attack Ayo’s friends’ wild spending. All in all, the community values marriage and that’s why Ayo hopes to get married one day.
The fact that the priest insists that unmarried couples should not live together is an indication that the community values marriage. He would speak out violently against unmarried couples living together. Ajayi and Ayo have lived together for twelve years. Ayo is a good mistress. She has given Ajayi three children and is now pregnant with another. She is a patient, beautiful woman with honest eyes. Despite these, their union is seen as illegitimate in the eyes of the church leadership. During their regular church visits, the priest would sound off against their kind of union, two or three times a year. Their friends would sympathize with them and the men would opine that the church should stay out of people’s private lives. Ajayi would skip church for a few weeks but would go back after a while since apart from his proclivity for singing, he secretly knows the priest is right. The community cherishes marriage.
Ayo’s father had his own special wishes about his daughter’s marriage. Ayo left their home to go and live with Ajayi against her parents’ wishes. She loved Ajayi. She cooks his meals and has borne him children. Her father had hoped that she would marry a high school teacher at least. Ayo had chosen a government clerk instead. When Ayo’s father learns about Ajayi’s plan to marry Ayo, he makes her move out of Ajayi’s house with everything she owns back to his house. He sends the kids to Ayo’s married sister. When Ajayi’s uncle and other kinsmen visit Ayo’s father to ask her to marry Ajayi, the father hands her over to them with tears in his eyes. This is proof that marriage is a valued custom in this community.
When missionaries from WGCA visits Ajayi’s home, Ayo goes out of her way to give an impression of a truly married woman. She sends Oju to buy fruit drinks. She also takes down the calendars with pictures of lightly clothed women and replaces them with family pictures instead. She removes magazines and puts out religious books. She also hides wine glasses under the sofa. Before the visitors arrive, she changes into her Sunday dress and borrows her wedding ring from her neighbour. The clerk is surprised by the change in the room, Ayo’s dress and the ring. The children are also neatly dressed. Olsen, one of the missionaries, is so delighted that he takes pictures of the “God-loving and happy African family”. After serving them drinks, Ayo leaves to let the men discuss serious matters. Ajayi is pleased greatly and decides to finally marry Ayo. Surely, marriage is a revered tradition in this community.
Since marriage is a valued custom, Ajayi and Ayo make elaborate plans for their marriage ceremony. They discuss the wedding that night. Ajayi wants Ayo to have a traditional white wedding dress, with a veil and flowers. Ayo decides sadly that a mother of three should not wear white at her wedding. They agree on grey. Ayo wants a corset. Ajayi agrees. They also decide to forgo a holiday after the wedding since they could not afford one. They also agree on a church wedding. When Ayo’s father hears about the upcoming nuptials, he makes her leave Ajayi’s house with everything she owns back to his house. The children are sent to her married sister. Marriage is really valued in this community.
A married woman is more important in the family than one who is not married. Although most of Ajayi’s family members welcome the idea of Ajayi and Ayo’s marriage, his sister has reservations. She is worried that if Ajayi marries her, Ayo would become more important in the family than she was. She even advises him to seek the insight of a soothsayer to look into the future. When Ayo gets word of this from the women at the market, she beats Ajayi’s sister at her own game by going to the soothsayer first to fix things. She really wants to get married. When Ajayi and his sister visit the soothsayer, he predicts a happy marriage. Ajayi’s sister capitulates and accepts defeat.
Marriage is such an important custom that Omo, Ayo’s friend is jealous when she gets wind of her friends upcoming wedding. When Ayo wasn’t married, Omo would not hesitate to lend her her wedding ring whenever she needed it. When Ayo shows her her wedding dress, she turns cold. She is filled with both anger and jealousy. She makes critical, disparaging remarks about Ayo’s see-through dress. She says in case Ayo has an accident the doctors will see through everything. She pushes the dress angrily back to Ayo. Ayo laughs it off saying she does not have to hide anything from her husband when they are married. Marriage is indeed a valued tradition in this community.
Marriage is a cherished custom that involves elaborate negotiations between relatives of the bride and those of the groom. The day before the wedding, Ajayi’s uncle and other relations take a Bible and a pin to Ayo’s father. They also take with them two young girls carrying large gourds containing things like pins, small coins, fruits and nuts. These customary gifts are necessary lest Ayo says during future arguments that Ajayi was so terrible that he had given her neither a pin or a coin since they got married. The party deliberately walks past Ayo’s father’s home then returned to it. When Ajayi’s uncle knocks the door several times, Ayo’s relatives ask for his name, his family and the reason for coming. Later, they argue and discuss for half an hour. Ayo’s father opens the door after clearly demonstrating that his family is proud, difficult and above ordinary. He asks why they had gone there. Ajayi’s uncle answers that they had gone to pick a lovely rose. After much haggling, they are finally allowed in the house. They are served drinks and gifts are exchanged. For about thirty minutes, they talk about everything but the wedding. Ajayi’s uncle asks for Ayo as a wife for Ajayi. Ayo’s father brings out a short sister, then a fat cousin and asks if that’s whom they wanted. They decline. Ten different women are brought out but none is right. Finally, he brings out Ayo with tears in his eyes. He also kisses her. After a successful negotiation, everyone shouts and dances around Ayo. This rigorous negotiation process shows how marriage is revered as a beneficial rite in this community.
A marriage is a cherished tradition and emotions run high when Ayo finally gets married. Although she is a woman in her mid thirties with slightly grey hair, she cries with joy and her unborn child moves inside her for the first time. This is after her father, with tears in his eyes, calls her out from the bedroom, kisses her and shows her over to Ajayi’s family. The next morning the women of her family help her to wash and dress. Her father gives her away in a quiet church wedding attended by about sixty people. They then go to Ayo’s family home for a meal. An aunt gives them water and some wise counsel. She tells Ayo not to be too friendly with other women lest they steal her husband. She advises them not to sleep before resolving their disputes and to Ajayi, she asks him not to use violence against his wife – their daughter. Ayo’s mother tearfully acknowledges Ayo as an enthusiast of the true work of an African woman – having children. Ayo and her parents are overcome with emotions when she gets married. They value marriage.
Since marriage is an important aspect of culture in most societies, a wife is valued more than a mistress. After the wedding, Ayo seems different in Ajayi’s eyes. He notices her proud head, her long neck and her handsome shoulders. The next morning, after the alarm goes off, he notices that his normal cup of tea is not there. He sits up and quickly looks around. He listens for Ayo’s footsteps outside in the kitchen. When he notices her sleeping next to him, he assumes she is ill after the excitement of the wedding. He asks Ayo if she was ill. Still lying down, she turns slowly and looks at him. She gets even more snuggly under the cotton bed cover. She is terribly calm. She asks Ajayi if there is anything wrong with his feet. He thinks she is a little crazy. For twelve years, she has woken up at five o’clock and prepared tea for her husband who was then her lover. She informs Ajayi that now she is a truly married woman and asks him to behave with some respect towards her. He is her husband and not her lover. She tells him to get up and make himself the cup of tea. Surely, marriage is indeed a valued custom in this society.
In conclusion, marriage is surely regarded as a cherished and important practice.
